How to Date During a Pandemic
The global pandemic has made life supremely difficult for most people. We’re all living in this weird parallel world where we are shells of our former selves. Everyone is struggling but life does go on and one thing most people can agree on is not wanting to be alone. But how should one go about navigating these normally complex and turbulent waters? In normal times, finding someone meaningful to connect with is pretty difficult. But the saying goes that you find someone when you’re not looking. Well, you’re in luck right now, everyone is not looking! And funny enough, a lucky few are finding each other. How they meet is a mystery no longer…
There are many concerns during these uncertain times. This virus affects people differently and very unpredictably. For example, a buddy of mine from my running club caught Covid back in March of 2020, early on in the pandemic. To add insult to injury, he’s one of the long-haulers, experiencing symptoms long after recovering from the initial sickness. He has to see a pulmonologist as he fears lung damage and he now sometimes experiences short term memory loss. His wife on the other hand, who he lives with in a New York City 1-bedroom apartment, never caught it. No antibodies. Nothing. Stories such as these make this virus a complete mystery which is why it makes the dating situation much more difficult to maneuver. It’s the unknown variable.
It’s All About Variables
A little while ago, I wrote an article where I described the many different kinds of people I have observed during the pandemic. For example, there were the extremes: hermits and deniers. And there is everyone inbetween. I placed people on a linear scale from 0 to 100%; the 0%ers were the hermits and the 100%ers were the people bordering on denial of existence. I built the scale just to categorize who I should and shouldn’t be hanging around as well as what activities I’d be comfortable with. Goodbye skiing in Utah… But then I realized, this scale can also be used to figure out who I should and shouldn’t date.
Normally, dating and meeting someone is all about navigating a multitude of variables. Knowing yourself well and what’s important to you is half the battle. That’s how you can stress importance on the variables that matter to you. Covid is no different. I know that, for example, I am about a 65% on the Covid Scale. This means that I am comfortable getting on a plane, masked up and sanitizing my hands incessantly, in order to go hike and camp in Colorado, which is what keeps me sane. There’s some activities that I’ll still stay away from such as indoor dining and swimming in a public or gym pool. But I am comfortable meeting people in a controlled environment such as outdoors.
Where Are You?
Communication is of the utmost importance at any stage of any relationship. In the initial getting-to-know-you questions during a first date or even conversation on a dating app prior to meeting, I now casually throw in the question of the Covid Scale. Getting a feel or even directly asking where the person lies on the scale is very helpful in knowing if there will be a connection; similar to other variables like politics or religion. For example, I’ve met people who described themselves as 25%ers. What do you think ended up happening? You guessed it, there were no second or third dates. We were simply too far apart in our comfort levels to make a go of it. But then I met people in the 50–60% range and we hit it off beyond the initial date or two. Thus, the Covid Scale is just another variable. But since it’s so relevant, it’s an easy one to knock out of the park early. Because it’s such a huge part of our lives now, no one hesitates to answer the question: Where do you lie on the Covid Scale? It is one of the most important questions to ask initially. Yet, many people don’t seem comfortable enough to ask and are left in limbo figuring out why their dates didn’t work out.
Where Am I?
Communicating where you are on the scale is equally important. Dating is a lot like trying on clothes to see if they fit. People are trying to figure out if you fit them, just as much as how they fit you. Being honest with people about where you are on the scale is just as important as where they are. This brings about honesty which is a cornerstone of any successful relationship, dating or otherwise. If you yourself are honest with the other person about your Covid comfort level, this makes the other person more comfortable because you’ve established that trust early on.
Hookups
Perhaps a relationship is not what you are looking for, and that is perfectly okay! The Dutchies have you covered! Back in May, the Netherlands released guidance on dating and sexual relations in the time of Covid. They suggested finding a friend with benefits (FWB). In many ways, an FWB is a conservative approach to applying the Covid Scale. Many people under 50% on the scale, prefer to keep a pod of people with whom they interact. How small or large this bubble is, depends where on the scale a person is. Using the above steps of honest, open communication, you can form your own bubble and remain safe. But with close and intimate situations, the Netherlands recommends keeping your pod small. Therefore, err on the more cautious side of the Covid Scale.
Path to Success
When it comes to dating, Covid-19 doesn’t make it easy. But viewing it as just another variable, simplifies the situation greatly. Exactly how much emphasis you place on this variable, largely depends on where you lie on the Covid Scale. The closer on the scale you are with another person, the more you can focus on aligning on all those other variables you usually have to deal with. But that’s a topic for another day. Happy dating!
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